I’m still stuck on the theme of identity- us being in constant flux and changes (ironically, I haven’t changed).

I think since social media happened, unconsciously we try to fit into the image that we built and defined for ourselves online over the years. Some of us might be stuck with a certain personality- as an extrovert/introvert, someone who likes to party, or an artist who creates their art in a certain style.

It’s not uncommon that we ask ourselves, “Will people like this?”. The external validation might not only be about good or bad, right or wrong- but rather, a question that is more related to our “identity”.

“Is this me?”

“Am I usually like this?”

“It’s not like me to post this kind of thing.

“This is more like ___’s stuff”.

“It looks too different to previous work”.

“It’s very random of me to post this”.

“I’m usually very skeptical of this”.

And then, because we are so used to asking these questions, we unconsciously decide to capture our identity and solidify them into a particular archetype. Even in real life.

We stop ourselves before deciding to try a new activity. Or finally going out for a run when we have the time and energy. Or agreeing to something that intrigue us that we always said no to. We tell ourselves, “Wait, that’s not me”. But why can’t we, if we suddenly want to?

The truth is, people change. We change. Constantly. A Buddhism teaching in a book that I read mentioned that this is the source of “duhka” or suffering, trying to be still or define ourselves as something. Trying to capture who we are and cling to it.

How many celebrities get “canceled” these days for something stupid that they said way back in the past? It’s always a great tool to check who someone is or used to be. But the ultimate truth is that we constantly change, every year, month, minute, and even second. And thus, our values change. Our opinions change. Our favourite colour changes. Our fashion style changes. And that’s okay. That just means you’re human. And you grow, for better or for worse.

I wish I have enough money or fame to hire a personal assistant to handle my dance portfolio for me. To avoid the tendency to ask these questions before hitting the “post” button. Unfortunately (fortunately?), I am not on that level yet.

I do want to train my subconscious to stop asking these questions and let myself change and evolve, following the flow of nature.