The past two years, it felt as if my life stagnated. I stayed in the same job, I didn’t feel crazy growth in my dance (even when I checked new milestones), I got used to coexisting with my partner. It was almost unbearable sometimes, seeing my life as a 3rd person- as my expectation of the kind and speed of growth that I go through wasn’t symmetrical to the reality.

However, recently I have been loving myself more. I’ve been more conscious about my nutrition, my physical fitness, and most importantly, I have been actively learning how to communicate better. I found role models in communication skills that I really wanna learn from and emulate. Started listening to their podcasts and bought one of the books, as well as trying to apply the advices one by one.

Magically, this has enhanced my confidence. Not the sharp, prideful kind of confidence. A softer, warmer kind of confidence that I feel resonate more with me. I’m not perfect, but realising how I’m getting better in expressing my needs and boundaries, makes me feel more grounded and genuine as a person. And that might not be grandeur in this world’s standard of achievements.. but it’s something pretty significant for me. And that’s what matters most, isn’t it?

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Completely unrelated, but today I was riding the tram back to my place when a realisation hit me: that during my commutes, I’ve been using my phone – including when I’m walking. This will less likely be an occurrence when traveling to a foreign place, because taking in the surroundings and being as mindful as I can become the goal. After 6 years of living in this city, I must have taken it for granted, I thought.

Edwin and I were walking around the city tonight and as I glanced to the unique architecture, I got reminded of how lucky I am to be living in a land where it’s safe for me to hold hands with someone I love. How I have a roof under my head and a beautiful place we could call home, even when it’s temporary. How I can eat tasty food from various culture. How I can still do the thing I love, and meet beautiful people I get to call friends. How I can help provide for my parents. How I grew up to be someone decent and kind, despite my shortcomings. How I can live comfortably enough to feel hopeful for the future. It has been such a beautiful life. Guess it’s time for me to put my phone down, look around, and appreciate things more.