It’s the 5th lockdown here in Melbourne and today it was just announced that it will be extended for 7 more days. Having experienced this for the fifth time, people aren’t so surprised. The previous lockdown was extended for 2 weeks. And the one before that extended for almost a month. Last year alone, we endured 7month being locked down. At this point the word “lockdown” feels just like another rainstorm.
How I’m holding up? Honestly super fine. Have I told you? Ever since I moved to Melbourne, I started becoming more introverted- I enjoy spending most of my time with my personal energy. Especially since lockdown became a thing. It’s also because of the social anxiety that I have. Not as bad as before, but it’s still there. So lockdown is not something that I despise so much, at least not when it’s less than two weeks. If anything, it brings me more financial harm because dance classes don’t happen during lockdown. Well, also productivity. I get lazy, I watch series too much and wanna lay in bed all day. The worst part is that it gives me excuse to slack off because everybody’s on the same page and there are heaps of people lazier than me these days. Not a good excuse, Reinhard.
On the other side, I’ve also realised that this thing is eating at our youth, our productive age. With everything in the world slowing down (events, opportunities, etc.) and our age keep going at the same pace, I just can’t help to wonder if I’ll become too old to do anything once this is all over. The ultimate question is, when these things will be over. No one freakin’ knows. I could be 36 when I finally can go back to Indonesia to meet my family again (that is, if I stay here in Australia). The uncertainty of it is what makes it quite stressful.
Oh well, that means we just have to adapt to this situation and try our best to maxmise the time that we have, the best we can.
It’s officially been two years since I came to Melbourne. A lot of things have happened. Some things that I planned for and expected before I came, came to fruition. Some others perished and are replaced by other things. Did I manage to hit the reset button, just as I planned to? I think I probably did. One of the biggest changes is in my dance life.
First day in Melbourne, 18th February 2019.
I still remember the night I performed at Hall of Fame 2018, thinking it would be my last performance. Also the day I competed with my dance family in the first World of Dance Indonesia just a month before I departed. I cried like a baby thinking that would be my last big hit in the world dance (cause I failed to do kick up). Dance was always something I (forced myself to) see as a complementary to my activities. A hobby and a passion, but never a main thing. Still, when faced with options, I’ve always chosen dance every single time throughout the years. Hence why coming to Australia, I was ready to let dance go and start focusing on the “real” things in life.
World of Dance Indonesia with Last Minute Street Crew, January 2019
Then, I came to Melbourne. I knew no one except Jasmine. Nor did I have any other activities to do. Jasmine brought me to her dance community. Shared information about dance communities and studios in Melbourne. I decided to contact one of the oldest dance communities in Melbourne; and despite having private training exclusively for members that passed audition, they let me come to one of their trainings. Everyone was so welcoming and made me feel comfortable. Then, I went to O2 Studios (when it was still in Richmond) and met Hana for the first time. Our dance styles instantly clicked, and she asked me to do a collab with her. Before one month, I’ve filmed a collab video with one of Melbourne’s amazing dancers.
Collab. video with @flowerdoi, March 2019.
Again, dance helped me make friends, feel comfortable as I navigate in and adapt to Melbourne. Encouraged by Hana, I then started applying for dance teaching. Starting with O2, ‘cause she was about to go back to Japan soon. It became one of my biggest goals. Then Passion, Dsoul, The Space, Y9. I made a dance resume, emailed it and dropped it more than once in these places. Hell, looking back, I’m pretty sure I was being annoying to these studios. Only Y9 got back to me, and I started having a teaching slot in this new studio. “At least I got a job to start with!”, that’s what I thought.
Fast forward to lockdown last year, everybody had a lot of time to reflect an view their life in a bigger picture. I did too. I came to realise that for the past 10 years, I’ve spent so much time, money, energy, and effort for dance. And despite trying so many times to set dance aside and see it as a hobby, I’ve always came back to it. Every single time. My “last time” always became “just another last”. The universe always seems to conspire to guide me to it. And honestly, my age tells me I’m too old to keep running away. So I’ve decided to build my dreams around it, and embrace it as a big part of me, who I am.
Mission Statement from Leadership Tools for the Dance Leader (LTDL Delta) by Arnel Calvario, August 2019. My mission statement kept evolving since then.
Suddenly, just in a blink of an eye, opportunities started coming in. After a year being in Ascendant Dance Company, Gina suddenly offered me to teach in her new studio starting in 2021. The internationally-recognised Gina Michael. Believed in me and opened up an opportunity for me. I was overwhelmed by gratitude and disbelief. How? Why? That night, I called my first dance teacher, Miss B, and thanked her for the path she opened up for me 10 years ago. Then, getting out of lockdown, I started getting private classes, and more teaching. A month ago, Jonathan from O2 asked if I was still keen to teach. I was speechless. Immensely grateful looking back to how my dance journey in Melbourne started. The universe and its marvellous ways of shaping someone’s story. Just from this, I’ve learnt my lesson about hard work, focus, patience, timing, and growth. All of these variables that create happiness in the right moment.
In spite of these, my goals have evolved. It’s not to teach, or getting a teaching slot in the biggest dance studios anymore. My goals revolve more around growth and the ways that I can build myself in this artform. It is more about balancing between dance as a passion and its purest form that I enjoy, and as my profession and main thing. Have I got it all figured out? Not at all. This year will be the year where I seek clarity as to where I want to be and what I need to pursue in this realm.
Reinhard Gouw's Journal 