It seems that it has become an annual ritual for me to post on this blog. Which I’ve come to accept – I will not give another speech to myself about how I should post more. I will post when I feel like it’s time to.

A couple weeks back, I came back to Surabaya for a visit, after almost three years. This time, I was really going in without an agenda other than to spend time with my family, and also have my gum deep cleaned cause it would’ve cost me more than 10x the price to have it done here in Melbourne.

So I did. Three weeks in Indonesia total. 3 days in Bandung, 10 days in Surabaya, 4 days in Jogja, and 3 days in Bali. It was a really long trip. One week for each year that I did not go back. From this point on, I promise to go at least once a year.

Albeit than being sick 80% of the time as the lowlight, I had a beautiful time to reset, find pieces of myself to remind myself who I am, and realise how grateful I am for the life that I have.

I traveled around with GoJek everyday, and the conversations I had with the GoJek drivers where most of them share their hardships and how challenging it is to cope with the daily necessities, made me realise how I have been taking many aspects of my life for granted. In the past few years, I have been feeling stagnant with work and dance and aspired for more. While not diminishing my desire for growth and my ambitions, I also want to stray away from victimisation and lack of gratitude for what I currently have. There are a lot of people out there who do not have the privilege to think about ambitions nor aspirations and are very grateful just to survive everyday.

“I accept myself, to refine myself.” – Ariel Niu

I will constantly strive for growth, and that is who I am as a person. At the same time, I can also be grateful and content and fulfilled with what I have and where I am in life – and not take anything for granted.

This is the biggest lesson I’ve learnt from this trip.

Another resolution that I brought back with me is embracing my past as a real, existing part of me. Since I moved to Melbourne, it felt like my past life in Indonesia was not as relevant. This might be a systemic influence (e.g. workplaces here tend to disregard past international experience when applying for jobs), my interactions with some people, or perhaps me shutting it down for some reason. But going back this time changed my perspective and made me realise how beautiful that chapter of life was, albeit the adversities with my sexuality etc. In fact, the adversities were what made me who I am today- and I am very proud to be this person.

Perhaps this is why people travel back home every now and then. To find pieces of themselves and be reminded of who they are/were. And if they’re lucky (I am), to realise how much they’re loved.